Thursday, 4 August 2011

Is Marriage = Change?

"The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly."  ~Peter De Vries

I have the habit of asking people to give me their opinions or suggestions regarding things......say "what should I blog about?" ......and then just not following through with their valuable suggestions. To rectify this I have decided to write on a topic that my sister suggested me to when I asked her the above mentioned question.

To be exact she said "Why don't you write about your life after how you have changed and so on?"
I answered her with a question "Do you think I have changed after marriage?"

She said ""...."I think you are still the same....crazy like always....I feel sorry for Chachan" ("Chachan" means elder brother...she was referring to my DH).

I ignored her comment and said that I guess I haven't changed at all and that's what people need to do in a marriage. Who said you have to change yourself when you get married?(the conversation continued). 

Though I hadn't thought much about what my sister commented then....I realized that the best part of my marriage is that I am still very much the same. I am ME!!

And if I have changed...then I have changed in a good way..I have grown and matured in my relationship. I have learned a thing or two about controlling my urge to hit my DH with a frying pan (laughing!!) and to tolerate his absentmindedness when I ask him a question for the 100th (exaggerating!!) time while he is glued to the TV.

But on the whole (the wider picture) I am very much the same. I still do most of the things I used to and don't do most of things I didn't do while I was single.

Let me list a few of the things I still don't do:
1. I don't cook elaborate Indian style (or Kerala style) breakfast for my husband. Until I am in the mood to or on special days like Christmas and Easter. 

2. I don't pack big lunches for my DH. I pack for him the same things that I pack for myself....and it is usually something that is simple like a sandwich or a salad.

3. I don't cook 3 meals 7 days a week. I cook for the entire week or prepare most of the ingredients that would adorn my dish during the weekend.

The above 3 are related to food...I know. I was under the notion that the way to a man's heart is through his tummy. And I feared I would be stuck in the kitchen whipping up meals to satisfy my husband's taste and appetite. I was glad that I still have the freedom to cook what I want when I want or else just order a take out.

Now the things I still do....after marriage:
1. I still write in my Journal. My hubby never reads them...not that I mind....but I guess he respects my privacy. 

2. I still watch cartoons. I know what you are thinking.....but I can't help it....I love cartoons.

3. I still express my emotions of anger, fear, sadness, joy, love....etc. when I feel the need to. I don't bottle them up.

4. I express and voice my opinion about anything and everything. 

5. I still eat out on Thursdays!! to kick start my weekend like I used to from childhood. Now hubby has become an addict to this ritual more than me.

The above 5 are the things I still do. I have more but these are the most cherished ones.

The list above might seem like a stupid, simple list to most women but to me they are not cause before I got married I thought I would have to change myself or that I would change into someone totally different. But that never I said I did change....but that change has been for the better.

A marriage is something that should enrich your life. Many people told me that I need to enjoy myself before I took the plunge (got married) and my husband also received similar advice from his friends and colleagues. We both agree that we have our "I hate you!!" days but the "I am lucky to have you in my life" kind of days outnumber them.

And my advice to all the young ladies (like my sister) who are going to get married someday is:

Marriage =  Change ~ cause we were single and now we have another person to share our life with. This does call for a lot of getting used to but in the long run it is all worth it.

Marriage does not = Change ~ as in change your personality. You have to get into a relationship without any sort of pretense. Your partner has to know the real you. So be yourself and try to love the uniqueness and individuality that your partner posses because that's what makes up his personality.

So there you have it my take on marriage. This is my first post on marriage. Hope you like it!! I hope to shed some more light on this topic in the coming days, weeks or maybe months. You will be able to find them under the Label of Mr. and Mrs.   :)

Happy reading!!

1 comment:

  1. HEHE! I AGREE!!!... I like it... I am still very much me... thanks to my understanding hubby... for taking me as I am...


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